Russell (Boobie) Tawan Baytops

Almost 15 years ago I was in treatment.   In my heart I knew I needed to be there, but the disease was telling me it was time to go.  As I sat there trying to figure out just how to get thrown out of the program, all of a sudden I heard some of the sweetest guitar chords ever being played.  I don’t remember getting up from where I was sitting or walking up the stairs to where the music was coming from but I found myself standing outside of a room watching this guy play the guitar.  He looked up and saw me standing there.  With the most beautiful smile and inviting voice he asked me if I wanted to come in.  He motioned to a chair and I sat there for a while listening to him play the guitar.  After a while he asked if I played.  I told him not really but I did want to learn.  He said that he would be willing to teach me a little every day when he got off work.  That was if he wasn’t too tired.  I was happy.  He then said, but I have to tell you, you have been running around here like an idiot.  Always getting into trouble.  Always screaming and yelling at people.  Always trying to get thrown out.  He asked me if I understood the blessing that I was being given by getting yet another chance at life.  I knew that he was right.

So every day, like a child waiting for a parent to come home, I would look out my window and wait for him to come down the block.  He kept his word.  We spent many, many hours not just playing the guitar but talking about life.  After a while he convinced the Executive Director of the program to allow a few of us to get together on Fridays and jam.  Those Fridays helped save my life.  The energy I would get on those Friday meetings would keep me going all the way until Wednesday.  The anticipation of Friday would get me through Wednesday until Friday when it was time to play.

I eventually graduated and continued to return to the program every Friday night to play music with the clients just as Russell played music with me.  I was then appointed by the leader of the City Council to serve as a member of the Community Board.  I even ran for City Council.  Because of the kindness of this one man, I eventually went back and received my Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science and then my Master’s Degree in Social Work.  I am also attending Law School.  But through it all, there has been my music.  Anything and everything that I have been able to accomplish began with the kindness of someone who was willing to give another man a chance to grow up.

I love you, Russell, and miss you dearly.  Thank you for the gift you gave me.

Hey my darling Russ, Russman & Big bro,
Three funny dudes (yes I said dudes) rolled up into one.
The verdict is still out whose the craziest in this family,
And you’re at the very top of the list, certainly.

Li’l Sis is waiting to talk to the gang again and especially her twin brother,
And I am definitely missing my talented Voisey partner.
What a team we make, whether in the real world or on Marco Polo,
From your bomb guitar solos to wearing that crazy Afro.

To Florida, Ohio and back again to Jersey,
I lived under your roof & walked away with a bachelor degree.
I put up with you and you with me,
But we definitely have some precious memories.

You gave me guitar & even driving lessons & I’m not sure if you recall,
I would drive to the Krispy Kreme on the beach having myself a ball.
You have your sayings, like the golden girls “get a pass,” Linda especially,
While the rest of us are told to “stay in our lane, Retta repeatedly.

 Time is something we often take for granted & yet have so little of,
I am truly grateful for each moment we share & so thankful to God above.
We have no idea of what you are going through & the strength it must take to endure,
We also know it can’t be easy & even frightening at times for sure.

I know you know that God loves you & certainly knows what’s best,
Sometimes I forget that, start to doubt & end up a mess.
Mommy always said, “you can’t pray & worry at the same time”,
I’m sure if she were here, like a big baby, in her bed you would climb.
You have come full circle in your present life, and your walk with Christ.
You have been faithful & now granted access,
Old things are passed way, you are a new creature, forgiven & blessed!

To paraphrase your favorite scripture, because you dwell in the secret place you will always abide,
So continue to trust in the Lord & in his secret place rest & hide.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, Trust Him & worry no more.
Thank you for everything you have done & I love you so much, Russ
I truly hope you can feel the love & strength from ALL OF US!